Purpose Decoded

January 5, 2013

Discipline isn’t a virtue. It’s a neurosis.

It’s a way to exist peaceably in fear.It’s superstition rationalized, normalized, sanctioned.

We miss things, details, miracles, being hypnotized by routine. We’re blind to magic, we discard the moment and embrace our lists and ladders. We’re convinced that we don’t know ourselves, like there is something to know. We’re certain that we are sabotaging our lives when there is only the story of sabotage that we observe.

We struggle with our perceived failure to have accepted ourselves, our alleged incapacity for loving ourselves. But the self that we would love is a hologram, an illusion and its purpose is to amuse. It was not meant to last. It was not meant to be known or understood.

When we abide in wonder, we are witness to the whole point of this. When we can laugh at the ridiculousness of it all, we are actualized.


Currency

November 12, 2011

I received a credit card receipt recently on which the patron wrote:  “Currency is Love. Thank you!”

This reminded me of of a point Robert Scheinfeld made in his book “Busting Loose From the Money Game.”

He explains that if money were taken out of the equation in the exchange of goods and services, what remains is gratitude for receiving a good or service.  If you’re not actually  bartering, paying, or exchanging any thing, you would still express appreciation for whatever you have received. Right?

I’m trying to be aware that when I write a check, charge a purchase, or hand over cash for something, that I’m not spending, wasting, giving away, or losing anything. The act of ‘paying’ money is in fact how we receive something we want or need. It is the symbolic way of saying ‘thank you’. Thank you, Pacific Power & Electric, for illuminating my home and keeping it warm. Thank you Chase, for loaning me funds for vacations, dinners, and other things. Thank you Comcast, for the entertaining and education programming you provide.

Perspective is everything. Spending money is receiving.

Receiving is providence.

Currency is Love.

 


Preparing for 2012

November 26, 2010

As a numerologist, I feel i have a responsibility to address the topic of 2012 and what it may mean for our planet and its inhabitants.

The widespread presumption is that life on earth, as we know it will end on December 21st, 2012. This belief is based upon the fact that the Mayan calendar ends on that date. This of course, is a gross summary of the predictions made by the Mayans.

Aside from the hysteria accompanying folklore and predictions of end times made throughout the ages, there are geological data and theories that suggest the earth is due for major cataclysm, a natural and periodic occurrence.  So with the Winter Solstice deadline of 2012,  were bracing for the inevitable.

Numerologically, 2012 will be a 5 year. Add 2+0+1+2, and the sum is 5, which is the number concerned with expansion and movement. There is inherent instability with 5 because of its velocity and tendency to change direction. When 5 energy is moving through something, sudden and unexpected events occur.

Go ahead, let your imagination run wild for a minute. Now, 5 isn’t an energy necessarily governing endings, but with the amount of chaos about to ensue, some things will be left in the wake.  My feeling is that 2012 will be a period of unprecedented instability and chaos that will propel our planet and its inhabitants through a transformation that will, culminate closer to 2016, which will be a 9 universal year.

The number 9 isn’t an absolute  indicator of death or extinction, the end of the line per se. If this were the case, then everyone would be born in a 1 personal year, and would die in a 9 personal year. We know this doesn’t happen. In fact, death and birth happen within each of the energies represented by numbers 1 through 9.

But 9  is a vibration concerned with endings, release, and its trajectory is a vortex which moves its subject  toward oblivion. It is the number of self-negation. The words nine, nein, and none are related. So preparing for a major earth change in 2016 is prudent. And this could mean a couple of things Extinction  – the obliteration of our planet, or Ascension  – the spiritual awakening of humanity. Or both.

What is happening, I believe, is a ramping up toward a huge leap forward in the evolution of our species, and perhaps others as well. Transformation is believed to be a single event, but we know it’s a process that occurs over time. Ascension – the same thing. We are ascending right now, gradually. In 2012, we’ll notice acceleration in these processes, and it will be exciting and terrifying. So how do we prepare?

This coming year, 2011 is a 4 year, which means that the energy of stabilization and order prevails. This is the time to prepare, to organize, to ground, to see to every detail of our mission as stewards of this planet. We aren’t preparing for 2012, we’re preparing for the years after.

2011 wil be a year during which we bring our expectations and goals “down to earth” so to speak, paring down extravant habits in spending, eating, and living. Getting to the heart of things, taking care of our bodies, our planet, concerning ourselves with home and family, the building blocks of our civilzation. This is a year of moving away from isolating, ego-centric interests and reconnecting with our “tribe,” our family.

This is also a time of detoxifying our bodies, attending to our health, so that we have a fighting chance amidst the coming changes.

Stay tuned for more thoughts on 2012.

Griz


Dangling Part-Disciple

September 27, 2010

This isn’t the return of the prodigal blogger, by any means. I’m just trying to make a token effort in fulfilling my mission, which is to transmit information to whomever is listening (reading), and receptive. None of my ideas are mine, purely. They are little bits of of a bigger picture that my receiver is picking up.  Much of it pertains to my particular experience. Some of it is information I will never put to use- even though it sounds like I’ve actually done it.

For instance, the issue of faith. I tell people all the time that the universe will support them in their endeavors. They just have to step off the edge and see what happens. The universe is a friendly place, and why wouldn’t things turn out ok?  Stop living in fear, and follow your heart.

Sounds good, right?

I have no intention of stepping off that ledge. Do I look stupid? There are no guarantees. There are better, purer, more deserving souls on this planet who will never catch a break.  So I will not be tempting fate, not with my shitty karma.

Here is my dilemma. And truly,  it’s only a dilemma if I entertain the possibility of actually choosing one option over the other, and I’ve made my decision, but the thing is, I hate my job, and should have quit two years ago.

I have no respect for my bosses, and my workplace is a source of tremendous and overwhelming stress, frustration, rage, and fear.

All indications – making mistakes at work, adrenal burnout, nausea, contempt and that scoured-out empty feeling one gets when one’s soul has been filleted from their being–all are signs that I need to vacate the premises.

But I’ve stayed and put up with being treated poorly, having my modest raise taken away, enduring insults and condescending remarks, having to work under impossible scrutiny, and wondering if I’m going to be fired.

I’ve realized this year that the fewer things I have, the fewer things I have to worry about losing, this includes my job. But this is a hard economy, I don’t have a college degree, I’m 40 something, and have lots of debt. Without a solid backup plan, it would be imprudent to just walk away from a job that at least pays my bills.

As a pilgrim whose job and mission it is to test the friendliness and resources of the so-called Source, I just can’t bring myself to follow through on this assignment. I understand, wholly, that this is the point of my arriving at this juncture. But I’m so fearful that if I follow my heart and just depart from this situation I would be left dangling – jobless, penniless, and would lose my home, belongings –everything.

I know what I’m supposed to do.  I just  don’t believe that I’ll be ok.


Sweat Lodge

April 17, 2009

I am transformed here, and stripped bare.

…now when I think of all the red inside me,

I understand that I don’t bleed; I burn.”

–Cindy St. Onge – “Poems From the Grotto”

I participated in my fourth Inipi cermony yesterday. The number 4 is important in Lakota ritual, and my life path number happens to be a 4.  I should have been prepared for something auspicious.

I hadn’t drunk enough water during the day. That probably partially accounted for how miserable I was into the second round. But as that round got underway, I thought to myself, “this is never as bad as people say it is. what is the big deal? I’m fine. I can handle this. It’s a piece of cake.”

I could hear the arrogance in my own thoughts. The Inyan Oyate , or Stone People in the center of the lodge glowed red hot, and I thought about their suffering, their sacrifice. I was humbled.

This isn’t about how tough I am,  I thought, or about how much pain I can endure for the sake of endurance. It’s about being vulnerable and open and flawed and ultimately purified. I thought that if creatures as sturdy as stones could suffer the sacrificial fire for the sake of my transformation, the least I could do was admit that I was uncomfortable.

And that was all it took. By the middle of the second round, I was nauseous, light-headed, and felt like I would pass out. How hot it was in the lodge wasn’t even an issue by this time. I was at my limit. I was on the verge of asking that the door be open so I could leave.  But this is the purpose of the Inipi ceremony, to inhabit these borders, to push beyond what the body can endure, and to challenge what your mind has always defined as possible and impossible.

When I closed my eyes to try to think of something besides how dizzy I felt, I wanted to go to sleep, but I was afraid I wouldn’t wake up. So I struggled against the heat, and wanting to throw up, and almost losing consciousness. This is where and  how the heat and the prayer transforms the pilgrim. The lodge was pitch black, but I kept looking in the direction of the door, a way out I couldn’t see, but knew was there.

The second round was mercifully divided into two mini-rounds because the heat was excruciating. After I had cooled down some, I realized that I had only experienced external discomfort in previous sweat lodges. This was the first time I had felt that misery on the inside, viscerally.

There were still two more rounds to go, each hotter than the last. At some point during the third round, which I’ve always called the  Skin Searing Round, ancestor spirits present in the lodge were sucking me into Lakota folklore as I envisioned the Great Mystery and Tunkasila playing tether ball with the planets.

This was the spiritual ass-kicking I had always believed the Inipi ceremony to be, but had never experienced until last night.

I am humbled and grateful.

Mitakue Oyasin


Roots

April 3, 2009

It’s been almost a year since I decided that the crux of the Law of Attraction is this: You must find a way to be happy with your crappy life, and you must stop wanting.

Besides the fact that like does not attract like (anyone with a high school education in physics knows that opposites attract, hence polarity), I realized that shrewd, ambitious gurus do attract the money and trappings of success that they want by selling books, tickets to lectures, videos and recordings, and by espousing so-called ‘secret teachings’  of prosperity and manifestation.

So they’ve been busted.

But the question remains: How can I get what I want?

The answer: Gravity.

…..

Yup. You must have mass to attract more mass. That’s it. Plain and simple.

So how do your desires acquire mass?

They must vibrate. You must say them aloud, i.e. prayer.

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word WAS God.”

There it is.

I’m not saying that you must pray TO anyone, or anything. You just have to give those thoughts some density, some weight, something to bend the space/time fabric. That’s all.

Say what you want. Create your own dark matter. Do it.

Did you know that Desire and Star are somehow, mysteriously, related etymologically? Wonder why?

Numerologically, Desire, Density, Magnetism, and Word all reduce to 6, which is a number that attracts things to it because it creates a void, a vacuum by giving, from service, from loving.

Look at the number 6. Just look at its motion. If you draw it starting from its center, the momentum will continue in spirals, like a galaxy. Do you see it?

That anything in this world exists at all, is because of desire. The desire of Consciousness to know itself, to express itself, this is why. For every question that begins with why, this is why. Desire, wanting, wanting to know, wanting to become, wanting to experience, wanting  wanting wanting–this urge is the force that has created everything.

You are this urge. Everything in your life revolves around this urge, this pulse, because your soul–that dense, irresistable singularity at the center of your experience  has pulled your life and everything and everyone in revolutions around it.


There Are No Good Or Bad Decisions

December 31, 2008

 …Just different outcomes.

Choices and their consequences have been on my mind lately.

I’ve been immobilized by the fear of making the wrong choices most of my life, so I opt–usually, to not take risks. True to the adage, I have ventured little and have gained little. But what have I lost? Faith? Trust? Opportunity?

Perhaps.  But can I change this reptillian-brained need for security and step outside my comfort zone? I’d like to. I keep falling into that self-sabotaging excuse, “Once this and that are in order, I can then take this particular action.” I’ve convinced myself, as so many people have, that unless certain things are in place, certain other things cannot be undertaken.  “I shouldn’t quit my job unless I have another one lined up. Otherwise, I won’t have any money coming in, and the bills won’t get paid, and I’ll lose my car and house, etc.”  Or, “I don’t want to start dating until I’ve lost 15 pounds and have cured my acne, because I’m not lovable just as I am.”

I’ve created a story of consequences, which may or may not happen, and am losing the best years of my life to conditions instead of experiences. If all experiences, illusory as they are, pass through us and from us, then why become attached the outcome, especially before we actually experience the outcome? Instead of dwelling in defeat or gloating in success, we can consider that  each moment, each consequence is a question asking: What will you do now? What will you do with this information? This gift?

We judge results based on how they make us feel, and then either complacency or fear keeps us from flowing into the next lesson, relationship, adventure. We judge ourselves as well, not wanting to be perceived as foolish, moving through life so very measured and calculated for the sake of appearances. What if nobody is watching us? What would I do if I thought no one was keeping score?

My determination for the New Year is this:  I will take more risks and I will make decisions based soley on my wishes.

There are no bad consequences; just new information that I couldn’t have gained without committing to one action or another.

Happy New Year