Preparing for 2012

November 26, 2010

As a numerologist, I feel i have a responsibility to address the topic of 2012 and what it may mean for our planet and its inhabitants.

The widespread presumption is that life on earth, as we know it will end on December 21st, 2012. This belief is based upon the fact that the Mayan calendar ends on that date. This of course, is a gross summary of the predictions made by the Mayans.

Aside from the hysteria accompanying folklore and predictions of end times made throughout the ages, there are geological data and theories that suggest the earth is due for major cataclysm, a natural and periodic occurrence.  So with the Winter Solstice deadline of 2012,  were bracing for the inevitable.

Numerologically, 2012 will be a 5 year. Add 2+0+1+2, and the sum is 5, which is the number concerned with expansion and movement. There is inherent instability with 5 because of its velocity and tendency to change direction. When 5 energy is moving through something, sudden and unexpected events occur.

Go ahead, let your imagination run wild for a minute. Now, 5 isn’t an energy necessarily governing endings, but with the amount of chaos about to ensue, some things will be left in the wake.  My feeling is that 2012 will be a period of unprecedented instability and chaos that will propel our planet and its inhabitants through a transformation that will, culminate closer to 2016, which will be a 9 universal year.

The number 9 isn’t an absolute  indicator of death or extinction, the end of the line per se. If this were the case, then everyone would be born in a 1 personal year, and would die in a 9 personal year. We know this doesn’t happen. In fact, death and birth happen within each of the energies represented by numbers 1 through 9.

But 9  is a vibration concerned with endings, release, and its trajectory is a vortex which moves its subject  toward oblivion. It is the number of self-negation. The words nine, nein, and none are related. So preparing for a major earth change in 2016 is prudent. And this could mean a couple of things Extinction  – the obliteration of our planet, or Ascension  – the spiritual awakening of humanity. Or both.

What is happening, I believe, is a ramping up toward a huge leap forward in the evolution of our species, and perhaps others as well. Transformation is believed to be a single event, but we know it’s a process that occurs over time. Ascension – the same thing. We are ascending right now, gradually. In 2012, we’ll notice acceleration in these processes, and it will be exciting and terrifying. So how do we prepare?

This coming year, 2011 is a 4 year, which means that the energy of stabilization and order prevails. This is the time to prepare, to organize, to ground, to see to every detail of our mission as stewards of this planet. We aren’t preparing for 2012, we’re preparing for the years after.

2011 wil be a year during which we bring our expectations and goals “down to earth” so to speak, paring down extravant habits in spending, eating, and living. Getting to the heart of things, taking care of our bodies, our planet, concerning ourselves with home and family, the building blocks of our civilzation. This is a year of moving away from isolating, ego-centric interests and reconnecting with our “tribe,” our family.

This is also a time of detoxifying our bodies, attending to our health, so that we have a fighting chance amidst the coming changes.

Stay tuned for more thoughts on 2012.



W. Was a Decider; It Can’t Be That Hard.

February 21, 2009

We agonize over which direction to go, which step to take first, because we want to make the ‘right’ choice. As we mull over our options, we get bogged down  in the emotional language of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’. In the process it becomes difficult to sense what we wanted to do in the first place.

I think that in many cases, we’ve  not asked the question we really want answered. If we haven’t asked the question, we can’t get the information we’re seeking.

When we say we want to make the ‘right’ choice, what we really mean is that we want to make the ‘easy’ choice—the decision that will have the fewest ramifications and require the least amount of work, hassle, and explaining.

There’s nothing wrong with that.

So if what we really want is to make the easiest choice, then we should ask that question  to get the answer we need in order to proceed. There is nothing wrong with wanting to walk the path of least resistance. It’s efficient, clean, and direct. No judgment there. When we ask the question this way, we’re not cluttering the decision making process with our ideas about right and wrong, and about all the different  consequences with their attendant judgments. If we want to proceed in the direction that will get us to where we want to go the fastest, with as few obstacles as possible, then we must ask that question specifically. “What is the easiest thing I can do now?”

I’m trying to eliminate the word ‘right’ from my vocabulary. True ethical dilemmas aside, this word is rife with judgments and baggage, and part of the baggage is the word wrong.

We move forward or don’t based on our judgment of pain and failure, versus pleasure and success. Both success and failure are temporary, so why judge them and make the feelings associated with any experience linger long after it naturally passes? This again requires diligent presence and awareness of the moment. This is what the energy of the number 5 (in numerology) teaches us. To remain emotionally supple and open, letting experience pass through us instead of closing around it, blocking off possibility.

There Are No Good Or Bad Decisions

December 31, 2008

 …Just different outcomes.

Choices and their consequences have been on my mind lately.

I’ve been immobilized by the fear of making the wrong choices most of my life, so I opt–usually, to not take risks. True to the adage, I have ventured little and have gained little. But what have I lost? Faith? Trust? Opportunity?

Perhaps.  But can I change this reptillian-brained need for security and step outside my comfort zone? I’d like to. I keep falling into that self-sabotaging excuse, “Once this and that are in order, I can then take this particular action.” I’ve convinced myself, as so many people have, that unless certain things are in place, certain other things cannot be undertaken.  “I shouldn’t quit my job unless I have another one lined up. Otherwise, I won’t have any money coming in, and the bills won’t get paid, and I’ll lose my car and house, etc.”  Or, “I don’t want to start dating until I’ve lost 15 pounds and have cured my acne, because I’m not lovable just as I am.”

I’ve created a story of consequences, which may or may not happen, and am losing the best years of my life to conditions instead of experiences. If all experiences, illusory as they are, pass through us and from us, then why become attached the outcome, especially before we actually experience the outcome? Instead of dwelling in defeat or gloating in success, we can consider that  each moment, each consequence is a question asking: What will you do now? What will you do with this information? This gift?

We judge results based on how they make us feel, and then either complacency or fear keeps us from flowing into the next lesson, relationship, adventure. We judge ourselves as well, not wanting to be perceived as foolish, moving through life so very measured and calculated for the sake of appearances. What if nobody is watching us? What would I do if I thought no one was keeping score?

My determination for the New Year is this:  I will take more risks and I will make decisions based soley on my wishes.

There are no bad consequences; just new information that I couldn’t have gained without committing to one action or another.

Happy New Year

Location, Location, Location

December 11, 2008

The idea of going ‘inward’ to find truth, or the concept of an ‘inner’ self or a ‘higher self frustrates me.

I can no more grasp the locus of my  inner self than I can my heart, brain, or lungs. I’m told that  my vital organs are also within me, but I can’ t see or feel them–as long as they’re functioning properly. I see the rise and fall of my chest, but I’m not convinced there are lungs inside of me. I’ve never seen them, but if I were cut open, I can reasonably expect that these organs I’ve heard about would be there–quite pinkly proven.  If I have difficulty imagining my own physicality, then trying to wrap my mind around an intangible part of myself is just impossible.

How high up is my higher self? Step-stool high? Binoculars high? Hubble telescope high?

How do I know I’ve probed far enough toward my inner self? Is it like jabbing a finger inside my ear until I hit a tender spot?

I’m certain that what is meant by ‘higher’ self describes an evolved self rather than a geographically elevated self, but the concept still makes me want to look up. I’m hung up on the actual locus of these ‘selves’ and want so much to find them and integrate them into my experience, but my quest is unresolved and fruitless, and it makes me wonder about ‘where’ any part of my ‘self’ really is.

Maybe there is no locus at all. Maybe, attempting to pinpoint any supposed aspect of myself is like the ocean trying to find the wet spot. There is no inner self or higher self. There is only the self, examined or unexamined, conscious or unconscious.

It’s right here.

Religion and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

April 5, 2008



What do we really have control over in this life? Maybe we’re not sure, so we invent things to control and behaviors which exert influence over our circumstances. This gives rise to superstition over the ages, and eventually, these beliefs control us.


Sacred numbers in various belief systems are an instant tip-off that religious practice is obsessive and neurotic. Prescribed recitations of the rosary, praying toward Mecca five times a day offering the stipulated number of genuflections, chanting and reciting Buddhist sutras a number of times in the morning and evening, and the importance of doing things in fours is practiced among the Lakota and other Native American tribes.


Adherents engage in these behaviors as a way to ease anxiety or to prevent something bad from happening. Obsessive checking, washing, touching, counting, picking, or other actions are irrational attempts to control our environment and circumstances.


Why is it so hard to just let life happen? Why do we have such difficulty letting go? The liturgy of every spiritual system encourages faith, but the espoused practices contradict, and even supersede the power of faith.


I work with healthcare practitioners who use energy medicine in their practices. It is customary for practitioners to wash their hands after administering a treatment. Not because there may be an exchange of fluids or bacteria, but because of energy contamination. I gave one of them a little back rub one day, and she said, “Make sure you wash your hands,”. I told her, “that’s ok. I have my own OCD repertoire that I’ve cultivated over my lifetime. I’m not ready to add another ritual right now.”


I’m a self-admitted counter, toucher, and hair-puller. I used to count things off in threes, from the time I was 10 until I was in my early 30s. I don’t remember when I stopped. I used to practice Nichiren’s Buddhism, and  was instructed to chant the title of the Lotus sutra three times each time I left the house or something bad would happen. If I didn’t chant the prescribed amount of daimoku and perform gongyo exactly as I was instructed, I felt vulnerable, guilty, and at the mercy of the universe. So much for enlightenment. Awakening isn’t possible when one is infatuated with the fear around an irrational behavior. When one knows the action is irrational, then the continued practice is indeed a choice, and fear is preferred over liberation.


The problem isn’t with religion or spiritual process. All teachings have a kernel of truth at their centers, that speaks of liberation, awakening, surrender, trusting life/God/Spirit. But over the ages, the truth becomes enfolded in layers of neurotic dogma, because the truth is never enough for a society who, in spite of evolution, embrace the loftiest thoughts with reptillian brains.


Bryan Flemming states in his eye-opening documentary, “The God Who Wasn’t There,” that the biggest sin in Christendom is thinking, because thinking leads to questioning and doubt, and as he was taught, doubting or denying the Holy Spirit is the one unforgivable sin. Ironically, doubt is at the center of religious based fear, and is handed to us by our religious teachers. We doubt that internalizing the message is satisfactory, so we invent rituals to fill in the gap between our fleeting faith and salvation/liberation.


I’ve wondered about the washing after energy work. If we’re all expressions of the same energy source, then how can I become contaminated by something that I’m already connected to? It is not possible, to a rational mind. 


Of course, I’m not superstitious. It’s bad luck to be superstitious.

What Matters?

March 29, 2008

 Dreams…they do divide the being       

                                — Byron

I’ve realized a few things during the course of dream work and dream analysis.  Several years ago it occurred to me that I don’t pray in my dreams. This seemed strange as I spent so much time in prayer, meditation, and divine petition during my waking life. I wondered why I never reacted to any of my dream scenarios–even in life-threatening situations, with prayer.

I asked my brother and my friends if they prayed in thier dreams. Not one of them could recall an instance when they asked for divine assistance while dreaming. These are people with varied religious and spiritual backgrounds: born-again Christian, Buddhist, Jewish, and even a New Thought minister was among my group of friends.

Recently, I’ve discovered something about my dream self in the lucid state that bothers me. My waking, ego-tethered self has questions and longings, which my dream self doesn’t share. She’s not aware of any of the problems, questions, desires that buzz through my waking mind. My dream self seems to be this wild thing who accepts everthing as it happens, doesn’t think about the future or the past, doesn’t want or need to know why she’s here or what she’s supposed to do next. None of these things things ever dawn on her.

I’m troubled because I wish to access the lucid state and delve deeply into it, but the part of me that wishes this sleeps while the part of me that dreams and can understand that I’m dreaming, dreams. I may never get the two together, and I have to ask, if these things aren’t important to  my dream self, then are they important at all? I want them to be important. My waking self seeks to define itself in its questioning and understanding. The art of being and staying present is how we achieve lucidity during our waking hours, I believe.

But it’s just too damn hard.